Isle of Neutrality🏝 (When divorce wasn't your idea)

Going through a divorce that you never wanted is absolutely heartbreaking. 

Whether you just found out or you've been separated for months, that thought keeps circling: "This shouldn't be happening."

Maybe you knew things weren't perfect, but you weren't ready to give up. You thought there was more time to work on it, to try counseling, to figure things out. You thought you were weathering all the ups and downs together.

And now everything you planned for feels like it's crumbling.

Today, I want to share something that might help when you're stuck in "This shouldn't be happening" land.

When divorce wasn't your choice, it's natural to get stuck in thoughts like:

• "This is all wrong."

• "My life is falling apart."

• "I have no control over anything."

• "This shouldn't be happening.”

I get it. These thoughts feel so real and so heavy. They're like quicksand - the more you struggle with them, the deeper you sink into feeling powerless and panicked.

And honestly? It makes perfect sense that you're thinking them. This IS hard. This WASN'T what you planned. Your heart is probably broken, and your future feels completely uncertain.

But here's what's also happening: you're resisting reality. And that resistance is creating even more pain on top of what you're already carrying.

Now, accepting reality doesn't mean giving up your values or what matters to you. You can still believe in marriage, still value commitment, still wish things had worked out differently. Accepting what's happening doesn't mean you have to like it or agree with it.

But here's the thing - there's an Isle of Neutrality waiting for you.

Imagine you have an Old Belief: "This shouldn't be happening."

And there's a New Belief you want to reach: "I can handle whatever comes next and create a good life for myself and my kids."

Right now, that new belief probably feels like it requires fairy dust to believe. 🧚🏿‍♀️

Between your Old Belief and New Belief flows a mighty river.

In the middle of that river sits the welcoming Isle of Neutrality. If you're willing to step away from "this shouldn't be happening" and start swimming, you can rest there as long as you need.

On the Isle of Neutrality, "This shouldn't be happening" becomes:

• "This is happening."

• "My spouse has made a decision."

• "Divorces happen to lots of families."

• "I still have choices to make, even if this wasn't one of them."

• "I am going through something really difficult right now."

Totally factual. Hard, but believable. And while they don't make the pain go away, they don't add extra suffering on top of what you're already carrying.

You'll know you're truly resting on the Isle when your thoughts don't create that crushing, panicky feeling. The grief and sadness might still be there - and that's completely normal - but you're not adding the extra layer of "this is wrong" on top of it.

We're not meant to live on the Isle of Neutrality forever - we've got new lives to build! But when you're reeling from news that's turned your world upside down, sometimes you need a place to catch your breath and remember that you're stronger than you think.

Give yourself that resting spot between "this shouldn't be happening" and wherever you want to land eventually.

Maybe a short layover on the Isle of Neutrality will be just what you need to start believing you can handle what comes next.

The bottom line: Even when divorce wasn't your choice, you still get to choose what you think about it. And those thoughts will determine how you feel and what you do next.

This is one of the hardest things you'll ever go through. And you're going to be okay.

You've got this. I promise.