The Hard Truth About Co-Parenting (That Nobody Wants to Hear)

I'm about to tell you something that's going to frustrate you, but it's also going to free you.

I can't help you change your co-parent.

There, I said it. And honestly? It's the number one thing my clients hate hearing from me (at least I think they hate to hear it).

I remember getting so frustrated at my coach when they said that to me (and each time they had to repeat it). But it did soak in, and has made all the difference.

My clients come to me hoping I'll teach them some magic formula to get their ex to stop being... well, their ex. To stop asking for last-minute schedule changes. To stop being inconsistent. To stop doing whatever it is that drives them up the wall.

But here's what I can help you with: I can help you change how you react to what they say and do. And that? That changes everything.

Your co-parent might change when the divorce is finalized. They might not. 

They might change with a new parenting plan. They might not. 

They might change when they get a new partner, or when your kids are older. They might not.

I know that's not what you want to hear. You want me to wave a magic wand and make them more reasonable, more considerate, more... different. But I don't have that superpower, and neither do you.

What You Actually Control

Here's what you do have power over: your emotional responses. Your triggers. Your ability to create the life you really want, regardless of their habits and patterns.

I had a client recently who was at her wit's end because her co-parent kept asking for changes to the parenting schedule. Every text, every call felt like an intrusion. She wanted me to make him stop. But there's nothing I can do about that, and nothing she can do either. It's not in her control.

What is in her control? How she responds to those requests. Whether she lets them derail her entire day. Whether she creates boundaries around when and how she'll discuss schedule changes. Whether she lets his communication style dictate her emotional state.

The Real Change Is Possible

The massive change that's possible isn't in your co-parent – it's in you. You can feel completely different about your situation. You can find peace, even joy, in your new life. You can model resilience for your kids and create the stable, loving environment they need.

And all of this can happen while your co-parent continues to be exactly who they are.

This isn't about giving up or accepting poor treatment. It's about focusing your energy where it can actually make a difference – on yourself, your responses, and your life moving forward.

Because at the end of the day, the only person you can truly change is you.

And that's actually the best news of all.