The Stories Numbers Tell

Numbers are just numbers—or so we tell ourselves. But when you're going through a divorce, every figure can feel like it carries the weight of your life story.

The number of nights on a residential schedule turns simple math into measures of time lost or gained with your children.

Dividing retirement percentages, trumpet rental, travel costs for select soccer, orthodontics expenses—each calculation feels loaded with meaning far beyond the digits.

I remember having a big cry in the bathroom during a mediation over who would claim the kids on their tax return. Literally, what number would we each write on a tax form line? (Spoiler: we each claim one, but it wasn't a straightforward conversation.)

We want these numbers to be factual, neutral marks on a piece of paper. Yet our hearts refuse to see them that way.

Behind every number lie big emotions, lots of memories, and worries about our futures.

Making our way through divorce requires us to oscillate between perspectives.

Sometimes we can see numbers as mathematical problems to solve.

Other times, we must acknowledge what our hearts make them mean.

Having space to process these emotions—independent of your spouse, away from mediation rooms and lawyers' offices—can be deeply healing. This emotional work matters just as much as the calculations.

This work is really about giving ourselves grace. Grace when we can't separate emotion from arithmetic. Grace when the numbers hurt more than they should. Grace when our history makes neutral math feel anything but neutral.

In divorce, numbers tell stories. Sometimes, honoring those stories is just as important as solving the equations.