103: Mindset Mini: Puzzles vs. Problems
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Hello friends, and welcome back for a mindset Mini. This is where I share with you a concept or a tool around mindset that you can apply to your coparenting relationship right away. I keep these short and sweet so that you can grab them and go.
I want to talk about scheduling issues. It's a super common topic, whether we've been coparenting for a short amount of time or for years. We have our schedule, our routine around when kids go from one house to the other, and life happens—things come up that complicate what normally is a routine schedule.
I recently faced one of these situations. I was juggling activities that had changed right around the same time as the transition after school, a coaching call, and a complication in the length of a drive between drop-offs. As I saw this coming up on my calendar, I could feel myself start to get a little nervous.
In the past, when something like this came up, it necessitated reaching out to my coparent and negotiating a change to the transition time or who picks up and drops off. I used to be extremely stressed about my coparent's response. I would overthink how to articulate my request for the change, fearing that it would be held against me.
I used to view it as a big problem, full of drama. My mind would spin into hypothetical scenarios of how my coparent might respond, and it would consume my thoughts, energy, and focus. But I don't do that anymore.
Now, I hold it much more lightly because I've shifted from thinking about it as a problem to thinking about it as a puzzle with a solution. When issues like this arise, I think of it as a puzzle that has a solution I might not have thought of yet, rather than a problem without a good solution.
I was walking the other day with my son, and he likes me to do these mental math problems with him. It's a long word problem, and when he gets the answer, I ask him how he got there. His approach is often different from mine, illustrating that there are multiple solutions to these puzzles.
I put a lot less weight on getting it right the first time. Instead of obsessing over the perfect message to my coparent, I'm more relaxed. I lay out the facts and propose a solution, but I'm open to other possibilities.
I have a belief now that I will be able to handle it, no matter what. Maybe something gets missed or someone is late, but I trust that I can handle it because I've handled everything up to this point in my life. When scheduling issues come up, I feel more spacious around it.
If you're feeling focused on a problem with your coparent, step back and ask yourself, what if I saw this as a puzzle with multiple solutions? Shifting from thinking of something as a problem to thinking of it as a puzzle can make things feel lighter and bring more creativity.
I am wishing you a whole lot more light and easy coparenting from here on out. Talk to you again soon.
Welcome to a Mindset Mini!
This is where I share with you a mindset concept or a tool that you can apply to your co-parenting relationship right away. I keep these short and sweet so that you can grab them and go.
In this episode, I share:
A Recent Positive Experience Co-Parenting
Overcoming Past Stress & Mindset Traps
Seeing Scheduling Issues As Puzzles
Feeling Relaxed Proposing Solutions
Finding More Ways To Bring Lightness to Co-Parenting
If you find this episode helpful, I'd love it if you'd leave a review on Apple Podcasts! This helps other parents navigating divorce & co-parenting find the podcast as well.
