8 Reasons to Send Your “Not Quite Ready” Client to a Divorce Coach

This post was shared recently with an organization of family law attorneys, mediators, and financial neutrals, to help them understand when to refer a client to a coach.

A potential client sits across from you—maybe on Zoom, maybe in your office—and you can see them processing. They’re nodding, but it’s that slow nod. The one where they’re absorbing about 30% of what you’re saying because the other 70% of their brain is drowning in fear, grief, or “what the hell am I doing here?”

Then they say it: “Thanks so much for this information. It’s overwhelming, and I’m not really ready yet. I’ve got to figure some things out…”

Here’s the thing: that person isn’t a lost client. They’re just not ready yet.

And this is exactly where a divorce coach can truly helpful.

What We Do With Your “Not Quite Ready” People

When someone is standing at the edge of divorce—thinking about it, terrified of it, unsure how to even start—they often have a tangle of questions that aren’t legal questions at all.

We help them work through their fears about telling their spouse.

The practical fears. The emotional fears. The “what do I even say and when do I say it” fears. We’re a sounding board for them to flesh out their questions and try on different scenarios before they have the actual conversation.

We walk them through how to talk to their kids.

This isn’t one-size-fits-all. A 7-year-old needs different language than a 17-year-old. We help parents think through their unique family—ages, developmental stages, personalities—and decide on a plan that feels right. On their own timeline.

We help them differentiate what’s in their control and what isn’t.

They can control what they say. They cannot control how their spouse responds. This refocus helps them stop spinning on the things they can’t change and focus on what they can actually do.

We let them try out hypothetical scenarios.

“What if I say this and he does that?” We role-play. We demystify. We help them feel prepared instead of ambushed by their own imagination.

We paint a picture of the overall divorce process.

For someone in the early stages, divorce is a big, scary, shapeless unknown. We can walk them through—at whatever pace they need—what actually needs to get decided. What the steps are. What their conflict resolution options are. Fear of the unknown transforms into thinking through their choices.

We help them figure out who to ask what.

What’s a good question for an attorney? What should they ask a CDFA? A CDLP? A CDRE? A mediator? We help them sort their questions so they can bring the right ones to the right professionals.

We explain how different processes work.

Mediation. Collaborative divorce. What’s the difference? What fits their situation? We walk them through the landscape so they arrive at your office better informed.

We’re a place to bring the big feelings.

Grief. Anger. Fear. Overwhelm. WTF. We hold space for all of it—so they’re not bringing that avalanche into your conference room.

Why This Matters for You

When you refer someone to a coach, here’s what happens:

We’ll encourage them to come back to you with specific questions. The kind where you get to shine at what you do best—giving legal advice and explaining their options.

We’ll keep your name in their mind. As we’re talking through their options, you’re still the attorney (or mediator or CDFA) they’ve already met. You’re on their radar.

We’ll help them prepare for their next meeting with you. They’ll come in clearer on the information they want and need. Less overwhelmed by emotions. More ready to actually engage with the work.

What You Can Say

Here’s the moment and a simple script:

When they say: “Thanks so much for this information. It’s overwhelming, and I’m not really ready yet. I’ve got to figure some things out…”

You can say: “I totally understand that. There’s no rush. Do you have a divorce coach you’re working with? If not, I can give you a few I highly recommend. They’re a great resource when you’re in this stage and not sure what to do next, feeling really stuck or overwhelmed. They can act as a sounding board and help you choose your next step forward. I recommend that all my clients have at least one conversation with an individual coach. Would you like those names?”

That’s it. No pressure. Just a resource.

Because sometimes the best thing you can do for a future client is to meet them where they actually are—and let someone else help them get ready to work with you.

Meg Gluckman is a divorce and co-parenting coach who works with parents navigating separation, divorce, and co-parenting challenges. She can be reached at meggluckman.com.