Not everything. Just 1 thing.
I got out on my bike over the weekend for the first time in 8 months. I felt rusty, and the hills seemed to have grown since last summer.
In the middle of one, I found myself focused just a few feet ahead of the bike and pep-talking myself, “Here we go. You got this. Just one pedal at a time."
Looking at the whole hill felt impossible. But it was easy to believe I could do just one more pedal stroke.
And yup, I made it, and nope, no Tour de France in my future.
Almost a decade ago, I remember sitting at my kitchen table with a legal pad, making a list.
Mostly, I just stared at it. Because it wasn't really a list. It was everything. Find a mediator. Understand our finances. Figure out the house. Tell the kids. Tell my mom. Learn what a parenting plan even is. Don't fall apart in front of anyone.
My brain looked at all of it at once and shut down.
That's overwhelm. And if your brain has done similarly, you're not weak, and you're not bad at this. Your nervous system is staring at more than any person can hold at once, and it's doing exactly what nervous systems do. It freezes.
There's the old saying…
Inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, life's hard.
Or the slightly grosser version: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
And there's a whole elephant here. You're moving a family from one home to two. You're going from intimate partners to co-parents. That's not one task. It's a hundred tasks pretending to be one.
No wonder your brain shuts down.
So here's my tip for you today: Do 1 thing.
When your beautiful brain starts spinning out with all that needs to be figured out, give it direction (in a loving tone):
Dear sweet brain,
Your job is to pitch me a few options to pick from,
and I will do 1 of them today.
Options, not overwhelm.
Need ideas to start with? Pick any single 1 of these:
Reserve 1 book from the library. (The Co-Parenting Handbook by my mentor Karen Bonnell is a great place to start.)
Download 1 bank statement.
Figure out how much you spend on car insurance.
Watch 1 video about your divorce process options.
Go to 1 workshop on the key parts of a divorce, like this one on Saturday.
Book 1 consult with a coach or therapist to see what a little more support would look like.
Set a timer for three minutes and write down every question rattling around in your head. Let the paper hold them instead of your brain.
That's it. When that 1 thing is done, you're done for today. You don't have to earn a break by doing more.
The whole thing is big. I won't pretend it isn't. But we only ever do it 1 step at a time.
Inch by inch.
Pedal by pedal.
💛
